Money and Work Issues
Money and work issues are the most commonly cited causes for relationship disagreements that lead to divorce or separation.* Read Research here.
Financial therapy combines therapeutic and financial competencies by addressing financial goals and challenges. A financial therapist attunes to the emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and family-of-origin influences in order to promote financial health and success.
Early life experiences (both positive and negative) often become negatively associated with money and work to form an emotionally powerful association that can lead to lasting negative compulsions and addictions into adulthood. When money is controlled and used to exploit, this forms the basis for financial betrayal. We all struggle from time to time with money and work, but when your life becomes negatively impacted by obsessive thoughts and actions related to both, it is time to get help.
Money and work issues (including financial infidelity) are unhealthy beliefs and behaviors involving money and work that negatively impact ones financial, emotional, spiritual and relational well-being. These behavior patterns are often persistent and the result of underlying emotional and/or family influences.
Financial infidelity is the hidden or exploitive use of money and finances in a relationship and can be as destructive as sexual infidelity.* These behaviors are often the result of learned family-of-origin beliefs and attitudes.
Common behaviors that are associated with financial disorders include: Impulsive financial decisions, wealth obsession, money insecurity, revolving credit card debt, chronic overspending and under-earning, hiding purchases, secret bank accounts, and unresolved relationship conflicts due to money and work. (Watch Financial Disorders Videos)
Financial therapy addresses financial disorder behaviors such as:
- Financial Infidelity/Sexual Infidelity
- Monetized Rage
- Compulsive Work
- Sexual Betrayal
- Wealth Obsession
- Compulsive Spending
- Financial Incest
- Self Deprivation
- Financial Deprivation
Some or all of the above can become a problem whether you are a trust fund recipient, stay-at-home mom, happily married couple or single individual. For Love and Money: Exploring Sexual & Financial Betrayal in Relationships looks at the overlay of sexual and financial infidelity.
Sex, Money and Power
Sex, money and power are three elements that affect all relationships at one time or another; sometimes with devastating outcomes. Consider the successful male executive with an ongoing extramarital affair or the husband who travels for business and takes advantage of out-of-town sexual opportunities.
This sexual betrayal often includes financial betrayal as he may pay his mistress’s rent or lavish drinks and gifts on his dates etc…, all without his wife’s knowledge let alone consent. Men and women cheat in this or similar ways to the point where he (or she) creates real and lasting damage to their primary relationship and family’s finances.
Yet even on the verge of bankruptcy the problematic behaviors continue. Unfortunately, many clients get help only after the negative consequences of their financial and sexual betrayals are so severe they can no longer be ignored.
Traumatic childhood experiences can set in motion unhealthy attachments to sex, love, money and power. Adult life consequences result in an over and/or under-valuing of these and other compensations for a low self-worth. As a result of these unhealthy beliefs around sex, love and money there is a strong potential for addictions, depression, anxiety, unresolved trauma, and attachment disorders in adult life related to:
- Sex and money
- Financial exploitation of significant other (Monetized Rage)
- Perpetual search for more ______ (Wealth, Sex, Power, Control…)
- Healthy relational communication about intimacy, sex and money
- Financial control and manipulation in sexual and intimate relationships
- Financial infidelity involving sex, money and work
- Unresolved childhood trauma
- Family patterns regarding money and work
- Healthy coping skills
Debra conducts personalized financial intensives and couples financial workshops to help individuals and couples heal their struggle with money and work. Just as sex can be used to self medicate stress, shame and pain; so, too, can money and work.
Debra will help you resolve the underlying life stressors and emotional wounds that have been “numbed” with obsessive, adrenaline-rush-inducing thoughts and behaviors—be it the high of closing a high-stakes deal, the excitement of a new sexual conquest, the power of controlling a spouse or partner via money or sex, or some combination thereof.
* 2012 TODAY/Self Magazine.com survey of 23,000 participants