The Healing Lane: Reflections of My Recovery Journey
My EMDR Story on PBS
by Sara Palmer (Reprinted here with permission)
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
When I started down the Healing Lane many months ago, I had no idea of what I was really embarking upon. After all, how could I? I had spent years on the Road of Dis-Ease, causing physical and emotional harm by trying to numb away the pain that was mounting within me. But as I have shared numerous times, I set out to change things – to redeem my life from the snares of a slow death. It was into my second year on this path that I actually called it “The Healing Lane” because I had the life-changing events of July 2012, and I wanted to move into a new season and out of the one I had spent in for far too long.
Part of my therapy has included EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This has been a very significant part of my healing. I was interviewed in August for a story on Arizona Illustrated Science (PBS series) regarding EMDR therapy. The story aired last night; it is about 6 1/2 minutes of the half hour program. I’ve gotten good feedback, including very complimentary remarks from Debra (who is the authority and clinician in the story).
Seeing myself on air — wrinkles, weight, moles and all — was a bit difficult. Who really likes to see that much of oneself up close and personal?! I knew I would struggle with this when I agreed to do the story. I put my best face forward and decided it was worth the risk anyway. I am pleased, despite it requiring my working through my self-critique not only of my appearance but what and how I actually communicated. That is just part of putting myself in the public eye, so I’m letting go of a lot of my negative talk, accepting that I did the best I knew and could do. I forget those little quirky things I do, but are rather accepted standard behavior by those who know me. I repeat, “I yam what I yam.” Yes, Sara, keep reminding yourself: Acceptance.
The story is one of four on the general topic of vision/visual interests; the EMDR piece was the last one aired, but it was the best story in my opinion! The link below takes you to that segment.
You will see a written version; click the play arrow on the picture of me if you want to watch the video. There I go again…I just keep putting myself out there! I guess daring greatly and having a willingness to take risks really are a part of my healing as I work my way along The Healing Lane, with my sights on wholeness, awareness, and forgiveness. Sometimes I’m stumbling along, sometimes drifting, mostly at a steady and devoted pace, but occasionally, sprinting. I like the thought of being a runner, even if at this point it is only metaphorically speaking. I got the shoes, the matching outfit, and the headband . Incidentally, the headband reads “Never Give Up”.
Repeatables:
- It all begins and ends with me.
- Take that one to the ice bank.
- This is life.
- It’s all about gratitude.
- A narcissist believes “I am the turd the world revolves around.”
- Recovery isn’t for sissies.
- Sometimes we just need to soak in it awhile.
- Trust: easy to lose, hard to regain.
- What is this telling me about me?
- It is what it is.
- That’s good information to have.
- I yam what I yam.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. ― Theodore Roosevelt, “Citizenship in a Republic” speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
